Boratlash

George Saunders, fantastic as always, on this subject. And, relatedly, Joshua Clover here.

Xmas Kufi

Still-Listen has posted a call for Jimmy/Jay related Photoshoppery. This happily coincides with Unlimited Chirp's new Photoshoppery jones, and so:

Haitian Jack McDuck

Jim Jones response to Jay Z response to Jim Jones diss here. A) Kufi-slapping is a trump card and B) So what did Haitian Jack do to Jay in L.A.?

FINALLY

Best song from the new Clipse album has leaked, which for some reason they don't want to release as a single. Tell me what song has a more retardedazoidal beat this year.

Clipse "TRILL"

(via Discobelle.net)

SR 71

1. Starter was the shit (and costlier than Triple F.A.T. Goose, which was, at another time, the shit and is sadly scarce-to-nonexistent both on eBay and Google image search).

2. Ever feel bad for budget cereal box characters? (Huffa and I spent much time in the Kingston, NY Super K discussing shared pathos for like the generic Corn Crispies orangutan with a kinda downtrodden smile and shabby beanie or something).

3. The SR-71 Blackbird Spyplane.

4. Black Bart Simpon (c.f. ghetto Looney Tunes characters on oversized tees rocking backwards Kriss Kross hoodies)

5. Hare Jordans (Billy Althoff had these in 6th grade homeroom, my parents hardly flossing that hard).

6. Ecto 1 (an overly-obvious, over-mediated stand-in, of course, for the car from the 'fake' Ghostbusters cartoon, with the giant talking gorilla, the car with the ghost face who was always crashing).

7. SR-71 Blackbird Spyplane

8. Kittens on YouTube, but that's just to freshen up the musty otherwise 90s vibe.

And that, in a picture, very crudely maps the baptism of my (consumerist) identity.

Send me yours and I will post! Unlimited nostalgia museum.

Majority report?

*With exactly 4 less Dre tracks, Game sons Jay?

*Worst moment on Kingdom Come: when dude brags about his "good credit." Come oooon.

*Second-worst: when you realize there is no Tim, made all the more retarded since 2006 is the best year for Tim in years.

*Third-worst: when you realize there is actually a song called "I Made It" and it is about, yes, how Jay made it.

*Jay-Z always had too much of a sweet spot for 'classy' beats, but the production on Kingdom Come is sounding highly gabbage one listen in.

From the frontlines

Last night I was fortunate enough to attend the opening party for the new Uniqlo megastore on Broadway.

There was a celebrity sushi chef wielding (I kid you not) a sword on the landing between the first and second floors, slicing a live cow into fresh sushi.

There were cleaning women dressed in all black using cashmere rags (thought that was a bit decadent, although I guess it hammers home the whole we-have-cheap-cashmere point) to mop up any blood that sprayed out of the celebrity chef's chopping area, and also Windex to make sure that no fingerprints stuck on any of the many glass surfaces throughout the store as partygoers mingled.

The sushi was great, as you might expect, although my favorite thing was this system of brushed-metal troughs running around the store's perimeter. Get this: you walk up to the trough and, with hundreds of people to your left and right, dip your head in and slurp up some very delicious sake (it was the more exotic milky kind).

The two girls from MisShapes were DJing although my friend told me the other one was walking around, I just didn't see him. There was also this couple who were featured in Domino a couple months ago for their creative use of a small Elizabeth street apartment. I also saw Piotr, Sven, Magnus, Karl and Heinrich from Cloak, and heard a rumor that the guy who owns Uniqlo bought Cloak recently. There were no other famous people.

The guy who owns Uniqlo could have been any one of the many Japanese businessmen circulating through the store. If you wanted to get into this party quick, skipping the lines etc, you could do worse than be an old Japanese guy in a suit. There were more of these dudes here than anyone else. I lost count after three.

Best thing was the registers were open for sneak-peek buying and, after my share of trough-sake, I was primed for a buy. The price points have gone up since the little Soho pop-up stores opened, which makes sense, I guess, but I still got a "White Trash Greaser" padded motorcycle back protector (in cashmere!) for $4.99.