New Schoolyard Rules

"Yo mama's so American, she thinks Arugula is a Muslim holiday."

"Yo mama's so American, she thinks a Volvo is a sex organ they teach kindergarteners about in Vermont."

"Yo mama's so American, she thinks 'gay marriage' is the phrase, like, Thackeray would use to describe a very merry wedding, except she also has no idea who Thackeray is and she is currently watching Inside Edition and it's 1 p.m. on a Tuesday."

"Yo mama's so American, she thinks Dale Jr. is Barack Obama."

"Yo mama's so American, she thinks the Home Depot is a big-box retailer devoted to home improvement materials and tools."